We enjoy our last run in Page, contemplate venturing into Lower Antelope Canyon and decide to wait until next time as it’s something I want to share with Annie. Previous days’ thoughts aside, the slot canyons are surreal and worth seeing especially when shared with another. So much of what I experience during RV travel is mind blowing. I am blessed to have been amazing places, hiked, biked and kayaked my happy heart out…and what I am recognizing (through a sense of discomfort right now) is that connection with others is the most important thing to me. Some time ago, I swore off the notion of moving into a monastery or ashram. I know the efficacy of prayer, meditation and quiet. I also know how very easy it is for me to be in these states. Connection to the Divine in times of solitude, mediation, journeying etc…is not my life lesson. Connection to the Divine in the midst of chaos and with others, groups of people, a partner, crowds, even tourists…is my cross to bear. I find myself uncomfortable right now. The ease that I have previously felt traveling solo and going days without speaking to others is inaccessible. I feel a sense of fear. Have I “lost” something? Have I forgotten a part of myself due to attachment in personal relationship? Do I have to give something up? Can a relationship fulfill me alongside the freedom I like to express and appreciate when I am alone? I have no answers so I sit in my discomfort. I give myself permission to cry. I ask all of the why? questions and know that answers are never found there. I journal, I read, I lay awake at night with nothing going through my mind except desire to sleep. And so it is...I don’t get “the shot” every day. And I don’t have the sweet, unexpected loving exchange with a gentle soul every day. I miss the person I love and with whom I am building a life…at 47. Isn’t every day “building” life? I forget my most precious knowledge: all we have is THIS very moment. In that forgetting, I am in pain.
Day #12: What’s Best? ~ fixing the leaking RV toilet and being resourceful through obtaining the part from the marine supply store (there are numerous houseboats on Lake Powell!
Day #12: What’s Best? ~ fixing the leaking RV toilet and being resourceful through obtaining the part from the marine supply store (there are numerous houseboats on Lake Powell!
Day #12: What’s Best? ~ Arriving at our next destination; Hatch, UT (somewhere between Zion and Bryce NP’s). We stay at a private campground with 25 acres bordered by a small river. We are the only campers and the owner says it’s ok for Dolce to be off-leash and swim until or unless another camper arrives. One of us is blissful…in watching her bliss, I feel the familiarity of it; I find a crumb to hang onto. I haven’t altogether forgotten.
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