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Arizona 11/28/12

11/29/2012

Highlights of the past few days:

The 2 motorcyclists I talked with at the gas station – waving like crazy when later passing me

Arriving on desert BLM land in AZ and having endless views

Hours of sunset and moon photography

Nature at work: Having time to watch ants dismantle a piece of Dolce’s food and carry pieces 5x their body mass. I tried to follow one ant to its destination and it ended up snared in a web by a small spider.

Having and taking time to meditate

Feeling connected to the earth and God at a depth that affirms my belief in the possibility of world peace and freedom for all beings

Awaking to the sunrise reflecting off the RV

Dolce safely returning after chasing a coyote at dusk and the man camping ¼ mile away roaring up in his jeep with his gun prepared to help me. The impetus for her return: me shouting that I had her ball. This experience is causing me to pause and consider the risk vs. reward of freedom.
I won’t jump to immediate conclusions.

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Friendship

11/24/2012

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I sit today at Big Bear Lake, CA.  Being here was not on my travel agenda and that doesn’t surprise me. What impacts me most about being here, and the places I have been over the past few weeks, is the impact and value of friendship. Friendship stands apart from family, partners and lovers by a lessening of the demand to live certain ways and by an element of distance that inherently supports individuality.  In friendship, we choose to be close. We are impelled to regard the other without possessiveness or ownership.  Friendship asks that we give and receive, that we open our heart and by so doing, we discover ourselves.

As a person who holds individuality and independence in exceptionally high regard, my current awareness of how my very identity is impressed by relationship with others causes me to pause. I am realizing that identity is not something that can be created in isolation as its nature suggests relationship to something - otherwise, how do we define it?  It has only been recently that I have discovered that I am most myself when I am interacting with others. I cherish the opportunity to share and express emotions, to check beliefs and opinions against those of my friends, to know and be known, to give and receive – to love. I believe these to be common desires of all people.

When I moved into my RV, I loaned many of my things to friends.  I find a treasured satisfaction in knowing that those articles that I appreciated, utilized functionally, and that helped form my identity are creating community in the sense of community ownership.  Taking this idea further, I like to tell everyone that I now look at every beach, every mountain and every gorgeous landscape as my home.  Appreciating material things in this sense has helped foster a greater sense of community responsibility and connectedness within me. It has become easier for me to befriend another dog owner at the beach or a hiker along my path.  It has nourished my desire to see the divine in everyone and to be willing to ask a stranger: Who are you? Will you tell me something about yourself? It has assisted me to develop friendships with people who I never imagined I would want to share myself with. Sometimes those friendships are momentary and sometimes they are life-long. Either way, they mould and form me. Each friendship is a world, a playground in which I live and engage and from which I take experiences, memories and learning.

Friend:  A person attached to another with affection and personal regard.  A person who is on good terms with another. A person who is not hostile. A person who gives assistance, a supporter.

Can you imagine a world where we made friendship a priority? Where we treated everyone with the respect and kindness with which we encircle those we have defined as friends? Can you imagine the value of friendship to the soul of human life? Can you imagine that your simple friendly engagement with someone relatively unknown to you may have lasting impression and help us to be a world of related people instead of enemies? If you can imagine, the next step is action.

In this time of Thanksgiving, I am grateful to those that I currently share friendship with. I love and thank you for the blessing you bring to my life. And to those I have yet to meet, I look forward to being friends.

Namastè

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Being the Change

11/9/2012

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"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves."
~ Mahatma Gandhi

So often in life we think that if someone else changes, our circumstances change or if God would just change us, we would be happy. The happiness that endures comes from within, from being our authentic self. Sometimes even the smallest change creates enormous joy. Culturally, change is viewed as one of the most difficult things to manage. Fear of change often causes stress and immobilization. As Gandhi says, however, our greatness lies in our ability to change.

One of the ideas that I start with to impel myself to change is: Accepting the unacceptable.

The power in this acceptance is that often we are not in control of the thing we want changed (our partner, our boss' behavior, the presidency, our neighbor playing loud music every night...). We find their behavior unacceptable. We can and often do try everything to get them to change. We try to convince them of our perspective, we withhold our love, we get angry, we manipulate, we call the police, we tell our friends and get validation of our
opinion, we do a lot of things under the guise of control when in reality, the only thing we are in control of is ourselves: our beliefs, our reactions, our attitude, our behaviors and (I'm a broken record) our choices!

I will share a personal example of accepting the unacceptable:

While still managing my architecture firm, I had a client file a lawsuit against me and my firm. I believed strongly that the liability did not lie upon my firm nor my consultants. For two years, I worked with my defense attorney and was adamant that we were innocent and that the case had no merit. I personalized the case and experienced a high level of emotional stress, anger, disdain and finally a sense of apathy for my career in designing public schools. This brought me deep sadness as for the previous 20 years I felt I was contributing in a substantive way to the world. I tried all of the tactics I previously mentioned. One day, I realized that the emotional cost to me to defend myself was too great. Trying to control and change others was not getting me anywhere. I decided I had to accept what felt unacceptable: that the client's position was not going to change, and that the chasm could not be bridged through the legal process.

I requested that my attorney schedule a mediation conference and that we settle the case as quickly as possible. I changed my reaction from defense to acceptance. My belief in my integrity did not change, I did not acquiesce to any fault or liability, I did not diminish my faith in truth and justice. The case was settled in one day. No damages were paid, no admission of fault was required, and reciprocal agreements were made to not defame each other's character or business. I attained the intention behind the external changes I had been trying to control: my intention was to feel peace, security, and trust in my own integrity.

Is there a place in your life where you feel "stuck"? Consider what you view as unacceptable, open yourself to options you have not considered, make a new choice...

                    Be the change you want to see

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Community, Commonality, Individuality and Love

11/6/2012

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“We hear so much today about how much people can do if they band together as a community – they can solve neighborhood violence, get rid of unwanted elements, work together for their own improvement, take matters into their own hands when the system ignores the real needs of people, become   recognized as a force that cannot be ignored. And if community is not such a force it at least gathers together people who can find commonality and understand each other when the larger world does not understand them: support groups of every sort. Here we have a key insight, namely that community, as usually understood, defines itself by being against other aspects of the world and gains power by gathering together numbers of conforming individuals. No matter how inclusive such a group may be, it defines itself in relation to what does not belong. The world sense of relationships that I want to explore concerns neither banding together nor needing anything to oppose in order to have definition and act in the world.”
     ~ Robert Sardello in his book: Love and the Soul: Creating a Future for Earth

In light of the election and my personal study on soul and how I want to engage with you, and the world, I read this to friends and family at dinner last night. We all paused, “chewed”on it. The first time I read it, particularly the final sentence, I shook my head, “yes”; I unabatedly agree.

The question we wrestled with last night was: what do we do instead?

On this day as we vote, we are uniting as individual citizens of a country and citizens of the world. I want to recognize that we are coming together as a community.  The very fact that every US citizen has a right to vote makes each of us a unique part of a whole and gives us definition in a positive way. We can pause and appreciate this even as we cast opposing votes.

What do we do instead?

    ~ We remember that everyone is a necessary part of the whole.
    ~ We trust that there exists more similarity in each of us than polarity.
    ~ We seek to define ourselves positively without negatively defining another.
    ~ We love.
    ~ Ultimately, we love ourselves and that frees us to love others.

Namastè

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Choice: a worthy commodity

11/5/2012

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I contemplate and write about choice largely because I believe choice is a commodity that when we feel we have it, provides us with a deep sense of personal freedom. This sense of freedom is not detached from others or nurtured in isolation.  On the contrary, it is a key element of connection.  When we accept that our choices impact ourselves, those intimately surrounding us as well as the overall soul of the world, we are in a position to contribute to peace in a broad-reaching way. It starts with me, and it starts with you!

One of my long-standing life challenges has been wanting more vibrant connection with others. It was not until I became aware of fears that were limiting me, of how my rationalized behavior in response to the fear impacted my choices, and became wholly
accountable for choosing new actions, that the connections I was wanting began to flow naturally.

Without uprooting a plethora of my personal baggage, let’s just say that I became aware that I have a fear of not being enough. I am afraid of rejection. I was holding a view of the world and others that said we are separate. From those fears and messages, I rationalized behaviors that landed me the exact opposite result of what I kept saying I wanted.  I became an over-achiever, ferociously independent, I never asked for help, I maintained my fitness in such a way that my body was strong, I was a
self-described loner and perhaps most impactful, I abused my God-given gift of discernment turning it into judgment oft lathered in a bit of self-righteousness. Wow, writing that today, I would not want to be friends with that me…just saying. For more years than I care to state, I lived with the belief that this was “just who I was”. While many of these behaviors are positive, I am reminded of an idea that I learned at Wings Seminars (www.wings-seminars.com)

A weakness is just a strength overused!

With awareness comes a call to action – here’s where CHOICE is critical.  By paying attention to how I was feeling in a given circumstance and being aware that I had choice in how I respond to my feelings, I discovered a freedom and personal empowerment that assists me to make a new choice. I now attain the connection I desire as well as contribute love back to the world.

Sharing this message today comes as a result of a specific interaction with someone yesterday. I was on an organized bike ride with several girlfriends that included stops at participating wineries in Lodi. While at Harmony Winery (http://harmonywynelands.com/), we met a man who was kind and engaging as he described their wines and talked with the group. He had a tattoo on his finger that caught my attention. I immediately felt the desire to get to know him, to connect and learn more about him. Those are the same feelings that historically would cause rise to fear of being “rejected”. Gratefully, my sweet experiences now far outweigh the old experiences and it is easy for me to don a kind smile and with enthusiasm ask someone to share something of themselves with me. I did. We had a lively discussion about his tattoo, his spiritual values, his hope for the world. It turns out he is a healer. I am writing a book about healing. We exchanged contact information, I promised to call him to set up an interview.  He texted me last night. He was full of grace, kindness, enthusiasm, and appreciation for the energy we shared.  Without asking him, I believe his life was touched as I know mine was.

I encourage you today to pause before the choices you have and find the courage to choose for your own highest good and ultimately the good of the world. Trust
that you are impactful and accept that your actions do matter!

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Arizona 11/28/12

Friendship

Being the Change

Community, Commonality, Individuality and Love

Choice: a worthy commodity

Carin G. Aichele

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