One of my long-standing life challenges has been wanting more vibrant connection with others. It was not until I became aware of fears that were limiting me, of how my rationalized behavior in response to the fear impacted my choices, and became wholly
accountable for choosing new actions, that the connections I was wanting began to flow naturally.
Without uprooting a plethora of my personal baggage, let’s just say that I became aware that I have a fear of not being enough. I am afraid of rejection. I was holding a view of the world and others that said we are separate. From those fears and messages, I rationalized behaviors that landed me the exact opposite result of what I kept saying I wanted. I became an over-achiever, ferociously independent, I never asked for help, I maintained my fitness in such a way that my body was strong, I was a
self-described loner and perhaps most impactful, I abused my God-given gift of discernment turning it into judgment oft lathered in a bit of self-righteousness. Wow, writing that today, I would not want to be friends with that me…just saying. For more years than I care to state, I lived with the belief that this was “just who I was”. While many of these behaviors are positive, I am reminded of an idea that I learned at Wings Seminars (www.wings-seminars.com)
A weakness is just a strength overused!
With awareness comes a call to action – here’s where CHOICE is critical. By paying attention to how I was feeling in a given circumstance and being aware that I had choice in how I respond to my feelings, I discovered a freedom and personal empowerment that assists me to make a new choice. I now attain the connection I desire as well as contribute love back to the world.
Sharing this message today comes as a result of a specific interaction with someone yesterday. I was on an organized bike ride with several girlfriends that included stops at participating wineries in Lodi. While at Harmony Winery (http://harmonywynelands.com/), we met a man who was kind and engaging as he described their wines and talked with the group. He had a tattoo on his finger that caught my attention. I immediately felt the desire to get to know him, to connect and learn more about him. Those are the same feelings that historically would cause rise to fear of being “rejected”. Gratefully, my sweet experiences now far outweigh the old experiences and it is easy for me to don a kind smile and with enthusiasm ask someone to share something of themselves with me. I did. We had a lively discussion about his tattoo, his spiritual values, his hope for the world. It turns out he is a healer. I am writing a book about healing. We exchanged contact information, I promised to call him to set up an interview. He texted me last night. He was full of grace, kindness, enthusiasm, and appreciation for the energy we shared. Without asking him, I believe his life was touched as I know mine was.
I encourage you today to pause before the choices you have and find the courage to choose for your own highest good and ultimately the good of the world. Trust
that you are impactful and accept that your actions do matter!